Interpersonal Communication #6

Immediacy behaviors. Trust me, you know all about them. OK, sure, we're not all familiar with this technical jargon, but believe me, immediacy behaviors are used by each and every one of us in our relationships.

Defined by our friendly neighborhood textbook as "actions that signal warmth, communicate availability, decrease psychological or physical distance, and promote involvement between people," immediacy behaviors are something that every single one of us has recognized and used at some point in our lives. Unless you live under a rock and you've never met anybody. Simply put, these behaviors are how we get close to people!

Now, if we want to communicate closeness, we can implement any or all of these verbal and non-verbal behaviors. What are they, you ask? Immediacy behaviors include everything from our choice of words to the ways we address people, from our body movements to the eye contact we make. Each of these behaviors can be used in a way to communicate that we are becoming close(r) in relationship with somebody.

Now I'm not sure what sort of commentary to add to this reading. Chapter 6 talks about these behaviors as increasing intimacy, yet I can't seem to think that the wrong use of these behaviors will lead to anything BUT that. Take for example, the case of someone who just doesn't know how to act in social situations. Call him Coburn, call him anything you want, but this guy is just really bad at that whole "being normal" thing. Sure, this guy's been close with people, but often immediacy behaviors that work in one relationship certainly don't work in another!

How will our friend use immediacy behaviors like making excitable hand gestures and telling jokes? Well, he might use these to try to demonstrate a spontaneous and fun-loving sense of self -- it may be attractive and draw some people to him who want to be his friend. However, those same behaviors could repulse others... "Did he just tell that joke? He's so stupid, I would never want to be friends with him!" Sure, it's a drastic example, but I think it demonstrates that some behaviors can be used to draw people closer, but can actually tend to push others away. Don't believe me? Try making intense eye contact with the next random person you meet. Do that, and I guarantee the relationship will last all of 5 seconds. You're not really gonna draw too close to that person... In fact, you'll just be pretty damn creepy.