Interpersonal Communication #7

Chapter 7: Attachment Theory. If you don't like the way you turned out, blame your parents. No, seriously. Attachment theory tells us that the way your primary caregiver responds to you when you're a child will eventually affect the way you turn out -- how "attached" you are in relationships.

To start off, let me briefly the three types of attachment. There is the "securely attached" kind, which is pretty much the majority of us. As little tykes, our parents knew when to attend to us and our needs, but also knew the right ways to let us fend for ourselves. As such, we've turned out with a positive view of ourselves and others, and it's likely we'll develop healthy relationships, but not be either overly dependent or independent. It's the happy medium, if you will. (I will.)

Next, there's the "avoidant" kind -- this poor kid was either often neglected or over-stimulated and has now turned out to pretty much be a loner. Now, each attachment style has its own pros and cons, but people who are avoidant are often less happy. Lastly, there's the "anxious-ambivalent" kind of people, who were given very sporadic treatment as a toddler (in terms of resposiveness) to the point where they barely knew what the hell to think anymore. Again, pros and cons... but these types of people are often insecure. Like I said, blame your parents if you want...

Learning about these types of attachments has obviously caused me to think a lot about my own style, as well as others. Pretty sure I've fallen into a pattern of trying to classify everyone I know (yeah, I know it's a tool-ish thing to do... but I guess that's what you should expect when you take a class like this). I classify my group of roommates (for the record, I'm pretty sure two are secure, one avoidant, and one anxious-ambivalent). I classify the friends I have. I classify my family members. Hell, I've started classifying fictional characters (hint: Dexter is certainly not the "secure" type!).

I have no particular anecdotes that demonstrate attachment theory, but I have certainly thought a lot more about my own childhood experiences... ah, memories. I guess I should thank my parents that I turned out so well! haha