Interpersonal Communication #3

Chapter 3's topic: attraction! And, it's Valentine's Day today -- oh boy! Let's talk about attraction. No, really, let's talk about it, because it pisses me off to be alone on Valentine's Day. Today, I described this blessed holiday to a friend: it's like Christmas, full of joy and happiness, and you love to enjoy it and give/get presents, and you love watching other people enjoy it too. However, this Christmas, you get nothing. Sure, it's a great day for many people, and you know in the back of your mind that someday, at some point, you'll love Valentine's Day. But for now, you get coal. Screw you, Cupid!

Moving on from my rant... attraction takes many forms, and we can be attracted to people for many different reasons, whether those reasons are physical, relational, sexual, chemical, or, yes, fatal. Dun-dun-duuuh! Oddly enough, I realize that I have never really bothered to classify anything that I feel as attraction, besides a small crush on the cute girl who sits two seats over in class. My textbook, though, wishes to teach me something different. Attraction is not just sexual tension, but the feeling we get when we desire a relationship with someone -- not necessarily a romantic relationship, but any type of relationship. This means I'm attracted to everyone who I want to be friends with, who I want to learn or gain something from, or who I desire to "get to know."

So let's go over some of these types. First on the agenda, we've got social attraction. I get this one -- it means that I'm attracted to the people in the Bryant Players, because I want to hang with them and I love to act on stage like thy do. Next, we've got physical attraction. Let me tell you, when I see a striking pair (of eyes, that is), I know that something draws me to that girl who glances my way. Thirdly, sexual attraction -- must I explain this one?

Next, relational attraction... it means that you're attracted to someone because you can't stand the thought of not being "in a relationship," and that person seems like they'll fill the need rather well. Now, as much as I mope about V-Day, I can't say I've ever felt this one, because I am more of a commitment kind of guy. We've also got chemical attraction, which gives us a physical sense that the other person is interesting (we simply get a chemical flow in our veins that causes a reaction in us). And let's not forget about fatal attraction, where a wedge is driven in your relationship by the very same qualities that attracted you to that person. When I first met a buddy of mine, I thought it was so "cool" that he had an "I-don't-care" attitude, but when we actually became friends, he really bugged the crap out of me when he just literally couldn't care less about anything.

The last type of attraction, though, is the one I want to talk more about: task attraction. No, it doesn't mean you're attracted to cleaning the bathroom, because that job looks Oh So Fun! It means, there is a task you have as a goal, and you're attracted to someone else merely for the fact that they can help you reach your goal. Ummm, can I point out this is USING people... kinda of a jerk move. Theoretically, though, let's say I'm guilty of doing this. Not saying that I am (though I defnitely am)... I just want to examine if a task attraction always counts as using someone, or if it can actually develop into a good relationship. I think the answer is yes, it can become more than just a usurious relationship; however, I think it would really suck for the other person to find out that you were only attracted at a "task" level initially.

Thinking of this makes me think of about 1,001 romantic comedies (oh great, I've still got V-Day on the brain). Now, before I give my example, I've got to do some "corrective facework" and make my excuse: growing up with 5 sisters means that I've seen them all, from The Notebook to The Wedding Singer to Legally Blonde to Mamma Mia! So, in honor of this festive day, I'm going to give an example, using one of the movies that I can actually stomach (hey, growing up the way I did, you've gotta learn to like 'em -- when it comes down to renting a movie, I certainly get overthrown on my Die Hard choice).

In 27 Dresses, Katherine Heigl's character is a (frazzled, organized, and cliched) typical rom-com woman, who is so selfless that she's been her friends' bridesmaid 27 times, but has yet to be the bride (cue: Awwww!). The (charming, cynical, and cliched) typical rom-com guy is a reporter who needs one big story to fill the wedding section of his paper, and then he'll finally get his big promotion. Hence, reporter-guy is initially attracted to our friend Katie, since he realizes she can be his ticket to a pay-raise and front-page story. Of course, heroine Katie eventually finds out that he is essentially using her, but--after a 5-minute montage of moping and a split-second-but-actually-few-months-long breakup--comes to her senses and realizes that he's her true love. Reporter guy is ecstatic, because his "task attraction" has now become "sexual attraction" -- and that, my friend, is Hollywood's formula for an instant romantic comedy! Just add chocolate and pop music, then stir until it is sufficiently sweet and sickening.

Bottom line, Hollywood has taught me some things about attraction. Namely, attraction doesn't always (read: never does) work the way it does in the movies, but attraction certainly can take different forms. Now let's drink to being single on Valentine's Day.