Interpersonal Communication #8

Tonight's topic is of particular interest for those of you who are overly analytical (like me)! We are talking about interdependence in relationships -- reading chapter 10 and learning about it in class wasn't quite enough, because I am now deeply pondering this topic. It is plaguing me.

Interdependence exists in every relationship; it is what eventually leads to the commitment levels we have in a relationship, the stability of it, and whether or not we are actually satisfied and want to stay in the relationship. Interdependence, in short, is how much we depend on the other person for benefits/resources/etc. and how much they depend on us, in turn. No doubt, just thinking about this topic should start to make you think of what you get out of your relationships.

Going hand-in-hand with this concept is that of equity. (uggh, even switching to a communication major cannot help me escape from those business terms :/)... Equity, according to our friendly neighborhood textbook, tries to determine whether distribution of resources are fair or not between relational partners. To try to balance out our equity and give us reason to stay in the relationship, we try to maximize the rewards we get from a relationship and reduce the costs.

So what does all this mean? Take, for instance, a relationship with a friend who always wants to talk with you about his/her problems. The cost for you: time, stress, etc. The benefits: you feel good about yourself, you grow close, etc. We try to weigh these in our relationships to decide if we are each equally putting a fair amount into the relationship and taking a fair amount from it. I know, for me at least, that I have many relationships where equity seems perfectly balanced -- ying and yang, Mickey and Minnie, peas and carrots, Harry and Lloyd. You get the point.

So what happens with those relationships where equity does not balance out? Should you just call it quits? My opinion is that it is your own personal choice. I know that I can certainly think of a couple relationships where I put a lot in but get almost nothing out... you know, that annoying friend we all have who just makes fun of you, is pessimistic, and is a general asshole. For me, though, the benefit is actually putting up with that kind of person (to a certain extent). I actually feel good about myself when I am nice in return, and the benefit I get is just being a kind person. Oh, who am I kidding? People like that suck.